People often ask me why a certain person is my friend. Or even who my best friend actually IS… which was asked of me just the other day. I thought it was peculiar to be asked that question. Are your friends a reflection of who YOU are? Think about that. Really think about that.
If so, I couldn’t be happier for the ones I have, because they reflect complete originality and diversity. I am PROUD of that and proud of THEM.
I’m never fully conscious when making a friend “selection” as I believe something as profound as BECOMING FRIENDS with someone actually HAPPENS. It isn’t something you FORCE. It evolves in a genuine way. The journey INTO friendship is one of the most compelling experiences in life.
My BEST BEST friend is my guy,Christian. Every obstacle we’ve faced, every joy we’ve shared, and the reason we keep LOVING one another is solely due to the respect and devotion of our friendship. No other bond, in my eyes, is as powerful as being a FRIEND to someone. I am blessed that he is also my lover/partner for the last 18 yrs. But it’s the friendship we created and nurtured that made the rest possible.
Connections happen not just because of common interests. I think , FOR ME, they happen out of an UNCOMMON link. One that only makes sense after the friendship develops more deeply. I am drawn to people for WHO THEY ARE to themselves as well as how they show their true self around me. Not for how they look, their age, occupation or race.
I have always been in touch with the “feeling” I get from a person- when something in my brain clicks and triggers an emotion in my soul. I have been blessed with a strong intuition. I know what I like. I like a challenge and I am glad that I didn’t close myself off to people because they were younger than me, smarter than me, or not the same color as me.
I believe it’s why I do have a secure sense of self. I never feel compelled to boast or prove myself or my lifestyle in order to feel validated. I have, however, been in a position many many times to do so. I can understand that, as many people FEAR things that aren’t typical. I’ve had to EXPLAIN to people why Christian and I are not LEGALLY MARRIED after 18 yrs. I wonder sometimes how ME being married would make THEM feel any better?? Or is it that both Christian and I FEEL OK without that expected piece of paper and people can’t wrap themselves around that idea?? I don’t really enjoy having TO DEFEND OR EXPLAIN the way I CHOOSE to live. But I also have to take it with a grain of salt.
I try to think of it by realizing that there is always something to learn by the reactions of others.
That is why the group of people I do consider MY TRUE FRIENDS are such a melting pot of wonderful characters. Because they are unique to themselves and TO ME, and something made my heart flutter a bit as I got to know them. Of course, sense of humor is also KEY !! Sharing a good laugh AS WELL AS having someone laugh at what I say- is certaintly a reason to get to know someone better.
I’ve been reflecting recently about connections and the people who are part of my life. And.. Of course from being on Facebook, which is………. CONNECTION CENTRAL. Or is it?? We all know that without a shadow of a doubt, it’s THE BEST way to BOND with 1,549 friends on a daily basis, right?? LOL. Hmmmm???
It’s interestingly ironic to me how completely different it is to “connect” with photos and statuses from hundreds of so-called friends every few hours in comparison to having a handful of people to truly connect with IN PERSON.
One of my long time friends is a 36 yr old gay man who lives in L.A. I’ve known him for 18 yrs. Although miles apart, we never miss a beat. We may not speak for a year, but I’ve received a surprise box of avocados and limes with a vintage card for NO REASON, just letting me know that he’s thinking about me.
A 75 yr old black woman and her 30-something daughter are TEN YEAR friends of mine WHOM I’VE NEVER MET IN PERSON. But I know they pray for me on a regular basis and take my best interest to heart. Yes, you read right. I have never met them face to face. I have two close friends who I see on a regular basis who are both HALF my age. One is a straight white male and the other is a straight black female. I ADORE THEM. They remind me of my younger days and allow me to relive those times. I am certain that my wisdom and experiences have guided them as well.
The age difference is inconsequential. It’s all about learning,listening,laughing and liking the other person.
Another BESTIE is a 10 yr old girl who I would DIE for. I would do ANYTHING for her and she was my BFF from the day she was born. She just happens to be my niece.
My sisters are my friends. If your siblings are not part of your circle, you’ve really missed out on a gift.
A married woman, exactly my age, with 2 grown girls, has been my friend for over 25 years. Our lives/lifestyles could not be any more different. Our financial status, our marital status, occupation, past history are completely the opposite of one another. Yet, almost 3 decades have passed and we’re still close. We know secrets about one another that nobody else does.
I also have many other friends who I’m connected to thru music, a shared event, or just simply because they’re COOL.
Don’t live by certain rules or follow the typical path. Especially when making friends. You’ll miss out. I could apply this thought to most everything in life. It’s like judging a book by its cover.
There’s a big world out there so take an inventory of your friends- are they ALL THE SAME?? HOW BORING!!!! I see a lot photos on Facebook- it’s so funny to see a group of 10 girls who basically LOOK the same, dress the same, drink the same bottles of Bud Light, pose the same, are the same age, and probably 50% of them have dated the same local loser guy!!!!
BROADEN YOUR HORIZONS, PEOPLE!!! Make a promise to yourself that you’ll keep ALL options open. Because I can tell you from experience, if you turn your back on someone because they don’t initially MEET YOUR STANDARDS, you are surely going to miss out on some amazing people!!
Thank you to my friends who inspired me to write this blog. You know who you are. :)
Hey darc, very cool. I love your writing, even tho I already knew we think alike, but still nice to be reminded that there are genuine peeps out thee, and its ok to be an individual, to be yourself. Hopegully some of the younger peeps get to read this and know they don't have to be a carbon copy of their friends, its not attractive. Miss ya darc, keep posting shit! :p)
ReplyDeleteYour writing is beautiful, and this was everything i expected and more. I flipped out about three times. I appreciate you more than you may ever know, Miss DEK. I count you among my greatest friends and teachers. I found the card you made me for my 21st birthday tonight, and I laughed, smiled and perhaps even cried.
ReplyDeleteConnection is the sole reason I am here. Every friendship has shaped me, every relationship has moved me to where I am right now.
My friends are also a melting pot of characters... and many of them have never even met, and many people ask why I do not often mingle in groups or why I talk to this person. To me, a friendship is certainly a relationship... a two-way connection to be shared between only two. Group activities are to/can be enjoyed, of course... but there is no friendship if there is no foundation. I came to realize this only recently. A close friend of thirteen years told me a few months ago that I am simply... very intimate. I am gentle, and without any reservation I can make you feel like you are the only person in the room. I just want everyone to feel great.
And well... a few of my friendships have ended because of my ability to penetrate to the depths of people's souls. I believe it's the reason that I will never see eye to eye with certain people, especially my brother. I just can't be fooled... must be some type of intuition. However... even though sometimes there are blocks, I still continually make attempts to be there for them. I believe in peace and love... and that hatred is just going to make us stew in our own individual pots of despair. I've never been the type to wield a pen of beauty, but you get the gist.
I've often heard people ask each other... who do you know... who do you hang out with... and this question puzzles me. Big giant groups who all drink together, hang out together, and usually end up having sex with each other... this never really appealed to me.
My best friend was my grandmother Sarah Brown. She died 10 years ago. And well... I believe she is still with me every day. I've never met anyone else like her, and that's what so special about my friendships to me... how unique everyone really is if you actually stop to look.
Keep on writing... you have a gift of communicating with words.
Love,
Easy E